Mind Your Manners!

Like many specialist industries, Fine corsetry is one of those niche talents, many of us work for years at our ‘hobby’ to get to where we are, I personally have only been doing this for 4 years which is a mere hiccup in the timescale of some other corsetieres, some were lucky enough to be able to study fashion at college and/or university, some have spent time on unpaid (or minimally paid) internships, volunteered for other makers, whilst others basically slugged it out for years, subsidising their corset making with other paid work.  One thing I can say with all certainty is that regardless of whether we studies by book, by web, or by educational means, its cost us all many thousands of pounds of our own money to be able to do what we do.  Which leads me to the point of this blog post:

Is it any wonder why we get a bit narked when someone outright asks us to give away our methods, our suppliers, our time, our skills… to someone who cannot grasp the basic functions of the Library/Google?

Somehow the laws of etiquette flew out of the window in the age of the internet, I reluctantly acknowledge that yes, I was around (just) before the internet was ‘mainstream’ I was in my teens when I got a Commodore 64k, (64K of Ram… can you imagine that now?!) with its tape deck, where you typed line upon line of code so that you could see “Hello World!” come up on the screen in the vain hope someone… anyone would reply (but never did)


pacman-cap
   op03   C64_08

But back in the day, and heck even now… would you for example, stop a solicitor on the street and demand free legal advice? would you ask a plumber to fix your leaky shower… right now, for free? would then you ask that plumber for a list of his suppliers so you can bypass him/her and get all your materials cheaper whilst your at it… and then send a barrage of messages to them asking them how to do it when you cant figure out how to plumb in that shower on your own?  Of course you wouldn’t! But yet… and corsetry is by no means alone here – its fine to do precisely this?  In the last few months, I have personally seen a lot of this happen, a few such examples are:

  • “Did you draft that pattern yourself, if so, can i have a copy?”
  • “Tell me what pattern number it is and where do I get one?”
  • “I want that corset, where is the link/who did it (name is literally plastered ALL OVER the photo)
  • “Please can i have a list of your fabric suppliers?”
  • “I want a corset made for me for a shoot, you wont be paid but think of the exposure!”
  • “Oooh that (Vintage/French/Imported) Lace is gorgeous, do you have any left over that i can have… i’ll pay post!”
  • “I want someone to teach me how to make corsets, I want someone in the <insert country/area> so i can get step by step instructions and be able to come to your house if i get stuck… for free… obvs!” (??!!)

I’ve had people wanting me to guide them through “someone else’s” corset repair, or corset construction via Facebook Messenger on four separate occasions, one even got very mad, sending a barrage of messages, accusing me of being ignorant and snotty when I didnt respond to their demands and threatened to spread lies about my work (that they’d never seen) because I refused to give them one-on-one online tutorial and support (for free of course)  I wouldn’t even say that I am anywhere near the standard of some more accomplished makers that I know of… I certainly wouldn’t be confident of being able to teach a novice how to start when in general conversation they ask “What do you mean by straight grain?”.

People seem to have lost the art of wanting to find out things, to absorb information as and when it comes along, lost the art of experimenting, and getting it wrong… ‘happy accidents’ if you will, rather than go to the library, or buy a book on corsetry and reading it, or going onto Google and typing a question (and God forbid have to look through a few search results!) they would rather go onto social media and ask their question where they could wait hours or even days for a subjective answer (and often several different ones) The whole Google issue troubles me, I dont understand why someone would sit for hours waiting for a forum reply to a question like:

Coutil Suppliers

When Google literally told me in less than 0.51 seconds that there were several local suppliers I could go to. I could even get some basic corsetry tutorials online in the same amount of time (of course nothing will ever beat one-on-one in person tutorials like I was lucky enough to experience) and 4 years on, I’m still teaching myself, pushing boundaries, techniques, reading…

The whole way we have of effective communication (or lack thereof) has changed and yes, times change and we need to change with it, but since when did that equal demanding? Where did the expectation of free ‘stuff’ even become a thing?

spongebob

Again, on other craft forums I am a member of (I am also a fairly apt pencil drawer, general sewer & knitter) I see openly rude demands for free things, people telling other crafts-persons that they want personalised bespoke items but they wont pay for them “until I see it in my own hands” Would they demand that Studio for example (mass produced personalised gifts) send them lots of things before they will pay up? would they place a big order with, say, Amazon, and refuse to pay until Amazon delivered all of their stuff for their approval first? of course not… so why the sudden lack of etiquette when speaking to individual corsetieres and crafts-persons? What happened to make this acceptable?

There are many arts and crafts that are (or were) a dying art, just several decades ago many people would sew their own clothes as a matter of course, everything was cooked from scratch, often even grown in the garden, if you wanted to learn something, the internet wasn’t there, it was either passed down through generations, or you learnt yourself or paid someone to teach you – Now we have cheap clothes on hand whenever we want, you can have a full Sunday roast at the sound of a PING!! if you really want without lifting barely a finger, and Google is there at a keystroke and you’re pretty much guaranteed to find out or learn anything without having to find your local library (if there is even one left in your area)  Such easy to have references should be treasured, and the people who keep old crafts alive should also be treasured.  Please, if you are reading this, do your own little bit to bring a little bit of etiquette back, tell/show a crafts-person how much you appreciate what they do, whether its someone who spent several days knitting your newborn a new hat and jacket, to someone who spends days/weeks making a corset just for you… appreciate what they do, and try not to utter “is that your best price”.

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